Let. It. Go.

You know how people will say "Oh if someone wasn't interested in me, I'd rather they just tell me and I'd be cool with it"?

Bullshit.

I've tried telling The Ex from MySpace that, not only am I not interested in dating him (or even having sex with him now), I really don't care to hear about why he would or would not be interested in dating me. He is still analyzing this shit to death. I've pointed it out to him, I've been as blunt as I possibly can without being mean, and yet he wonders why he only receives one-word responses from me when he texts me (which is still every.single.day.)

And then I tried telling that other guy, after he sent me an email just flat out asking if sex is still an option, that I'm not interested and he just continued to argue with me about what I'm looking for, telling me that I can't have my cake and eat it too and that if I expect anything more than just sex from a guy I should accept that talking on the phone and seeing each other a couple of times a week is important., that its my own fault if a guy only wants sex if I only talk to him every 2 weeks and then only when I want sex.

No. That's a "relationship". One of the main reasons I don't want a relationship is because I don't want to have to talk to someone on the phone every day and see them a couple of times a week. There is some middle ground. I've had "arrangements" in the past where I did talk to the guy on the phone once in a while and it wasn't always about sex. Its not a black or white thing. It doesn't have to be strictly booty calls and it doesn't have to involve seeing each other every fucking weekend either.

But after I tried to politely tell him that I know what I'm looking for and its really none of his concern, he sends me this: "I suppose we all have our different ideas on what a casual relationship is. I understand there is some gound in the middle there, but I still think you would be best served by hitting the bar every couple of weeks and getting what you need."

Well thanks for the fucking unsolicited advice. Oh you're absolutely right, you didn't "fail" because of a lack of effort on your end. You just failed, period.

Chuck's School of Texting

Oh this is so true! Guys, take notes. There is nothing sexy about "LOL".

So...over the past month or so there have been 2 guys that I’ve been "talking to" and I’ve made it clear to both of them that I am only interested in casual dating, not a relationship, i.e. this is going nowhere. I had discussed it with both of them and explained to them that I don’t have the time or energy for a relationship and that I’m hoping to move this summer anyway, so all I am interested in is someone with whom I can hang out, watch movies, go check out some local bands, stuff like that. Yes, sex is an option but not a guarantee.

Yet they both continue to text/call me every.single.day.

One of these guys was an ex-boyfriend, a guy I dated ten years ago for about 6 months, who found me on MySpace. Apparently he’s gone through some changes, he stopped drinking, goes to church, sees a therapist. Ok, good for him. Considering that my biggest problem with him back when we were dating was that he was a misogynistic jerk and it got worse when he was drinking, I was glad to hear this. I’ve been supportive and friendly since he found me, gave him the opportunity to apologize for the way he treated me, which he asked for a chance to do. The first few weeks, it was kinda cool. We got together on St. Patrick’s Day, fooled around, chatted about a few things. And now he won’t shut up. St. Patty’s was, what, 2 weeks ago? For the first week, he would text me every day to tell me how great the sex was. (Well good for him. I wasn’t impressed.) So when I finally got him to shut up about that, he started going on about all of this relationship stuff - why he was with me back then, why he doesn’t think it would work out between us now. Whoa, whoa, whoa.....hold the fuck up. Who said anything about us dating now?? I certainly never did. So I asked him why he was putting all of this thought into some option that was never even given to him. I also told him that whatever soul-searching or deep-thinking he was doing, it might be a good idea to keep some of it to himself. Like I wanna hear from some guy that I’m not even interested in dating how I’m not good enough for him to date. (Especially since the reason he gave me was my "spiritual beliefs". I told him he doesn’t even know what my spiritual beliefs are and that I could have told him that way back in the beginning when he mentioned "bible study" anyway.)

For two days he has dragged this conversation on. Then he texted me at 8:45 Sunday morning (its freakin’ SUNDAY and I don’t have my kids....like my ass is going to be up at 8:45) and wanted to make sure we didn’t have any "unresolved issues". Buddy, your unresolved issues have nothing to do with me. I told him that the cool thing about not being in a relationship is that I don’t have to have conversations like this.

He had the nerve to ask me if I was being completely upfront with everything or if I was holding some back to protect myself. WTF?? My reply: I am being completely upfront when I tell you I don’t care.

Finally, 2 days and then 2 hours later, he said he would leave it alone. THANK. YOU. Go rent the movie ’High Fidelity’. Go talk to your therapist. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Anyway....the other guy.....

After cancelling on this guy twice already because some things had come up, I finally agreed to meet with him the other night. I went over to his place to watch movies and eat pizza. I didn’t really feel like going out but I didn’t want to cancel on the poor guy again. Oh, and I have to mention that he had already lost points with me by asking me what time I was coming and when I said it depended on how long it took me to get some things done, he proceeded to then pry and ask me what I had to do. Um, personal stuff. My errands are my business. Like I want to have to explain to someone where I’m going and what I’m doing and how long its going to take.

So I get to his apartment and I am so uninterested in being there that I’ve actually got two text conversations going on - one with my daughter, one with a friend of mine who was kind of upset. I literally sat squished into the corner of his couch with my arms and legs crossed - clear "stay away from me" body language. Oh but that didn’t stop him from rubbing my back and my neck while I was leaning over the coffee table trying to eat my pizza. (Have I mentioned I have boundary and personal space issues?) It seriously made me cringe and I went from being unattracted and uninterested to being almost repulsed. When I'm not in the mood, don't touch me. If I want you to touch me, I will let you know.

So as soon as the movie was over, I grabbed my keys, bolted off the couch and said "Ok, its late, I gotta go." I hadn’t even made it home yet before he was texting me. He must have picked up on it because he was saying that he had expected a warmer reception from me. I told him I wasn’t really in the mood for going out to begin with blah blah blah. He told me the ball is in my court and I said ok. Next day, he’s texting me again. (Funny, I don’t recall putting the ball back in his court, but whatever.) He asked if I wanted to do something that night. Um, no, I think last night was enough. Later on, I get a text from him at like 10:45 asking if I’m still up and do I wanna chat on the phone. I said "I’m going to bed. Are you sure we’re looking for the same thing?" I think he took the hint. He said "Haha. Ok, sorry to bother you. Have a good night." And that was the last I heard from him. I haven't heard from him since.

Believe it or not, I really don’t like being a bitch to people and I’m very bad at rejecting them. But, ya know, I’m just going to be honest and if it bothers them and they don’t like what I say, then that’s their issue and its up to them to cope with. These are grown men we’re talking about here. Why should I have to coddle them and sugarcoat things even if it means making myself uncomfortable or being dishonest?

Geez...I think I know how a lot of guys feel when they complain about how women are so needy and clingy and they always wanna talk about their feelings. Like I’d want to be with a guy that acts like a woman anyway. I need a real man.