Reasons why a shower massager is better than a man

Not always. But sometimes. And here's why:

Stamina. I rarely run out of hot water.

I don't have to shave my legs or wear pretty panties for it.

No worries about whether I should spend the night or leave after I'm done.

There is no "walk of shame" from my bathroom to my bedroom.

It doesn't keep calling me or texting me asking if we can hook up again sometime.

I don't have to get all dressed up or spend any money.

It won't bum a smoke off of me when I'm done.

It never asks "Did you get one yet?"

I know where it's been.

No drama, no psycho exes.

It doesn't get mad if I walk through the store and check out other shower massagers.

My shower massager will never call me at 3.am. wanting to come over.

I don't have to constantly reassure it that it's good or that it's big enough.

I don't have to fake it to protect its ego.

And the number one reason...

Multiple orgasms 100% guaranteed

I'm back!!

So after the pain in the ass process of transferring my domain and hosting and being down for almost a week, I'm back!!

Yay!!

Happy Humping! Talk to you soon!

xoxo
DGX

Drunk dialing

Forgive me Readers, for I have sinned.

It has been one month and 3 days since my last Drunk Dial.

*hangs head in shame*

You know how sometimes you drink too much and a concerned friend will take your keys? Well, damn it, they need to take your cell phone too!


Halloween party. Many free beers. A few shots. And Psycho Boy's new phone number in my contacts list. Bad combination.

So I'm at this party and its almost closing time and I decide I don't want my night to end just because the bar does. I call PB. He doesn't answer. Probably a good thing, I think to myself.

Ten minutes later he calls back. Shit! Now I have to admit why I called. I ask him if he's going to be up, he says yes, I offer to come over, he says okay.

I get there, he makes fun of my costume, I say "Fine, I'll take it off."

And then I fuck him on the couch. Eh. It was okay. That was one of the reasons I never wanted a relationship with him. He's just so boring. Intellectually, he's amazing, very intelligent. But when it comes to carnal knowledge, he's borderline retarded.

But hey, sex is sex, right? I hate posting about sexual mediocrity because a) it's not fun to read about and b) I don't want to be associated with bad sex! I don't want to admit that I have bad sex. It reflects poorly on me, don't you think?

Anyway, the next morning, I wake up in his bed and he's on the couch. Apparently I was hogging the bed. I went back to sleep, woke up to pee, fed his cat, fell asleep again, and when I was finally coherent enough, I got up and went out and sat in the living room with him.

That lasted about 5 minutes. I forgot how much he pisses me off and that that's why I stopped hanging out with him. He has this very condescending sense of humor and he gets off on making fun of people. Ok, not people, just me.

I was out of there. Not even so much as a kiss good bye. And that really bites because I'm all about "one for the road" sex too.

So I go like 2 months without sex and when I finally get some, it's not even worth writing about.

I need a new toy. Scratch that, I need two new toys. One human, one battery-operated.